Just Listen.

            A study abroad experience is- by nature- selfish.  You leave everything at home behind, your friends, family, school extracurriculars, to spend a semester in any city or country you want.  You get to travel to places you’ve always wanted to go, see the sights you’ve always dreamed of seeing, and party whatever night you want.  Very little responsibility is placed on you besides having as much fun as possible (and going to class, of course.  Hi mom).  For me, this is the first time in college where I have felt truly free of responsibility, and I can be as selfish as I want.  And let me tell you, the freedom is quite liberating.
                   However, I do feel that there is one requirement of all study abroad students that is largely ignored.  And that is taking the time to relocate our focus from ourselves and transfer it to the people who live in our city.  Too many times I hear stories of students who go abroad to a large touristy city, only hang out with American Students, go to study abroad bars, eat at fancy restaurants, and never make a local friend or have a truly substantial conversation with someone who embodies the spirit of the city.  Is that really a study abroad experience, or just an elongated vacation in another country where the drinking age is 18?
               Living in Dubrovnik, I have no choice but to get to know the locals.  In a city of 42,000 people where the majority of population congregates in a walled stone maze, you tend to start recognizing the same people.  From the shop owners lobbying for your business, to the bartender who knows your order (shout out to Ivana), to the kid in your class whose family lives down the street from you, etc..,you become apart of this city whether you like it or not.  And being that I am officially a Temporary Resident of Dubrovnik, it’s my duty to dedicate my time to the people and their stories. And boy, do they have stories.
            Only a couple of decades ago, this area was engulfed in one of the most brutal, horrific wars in modern history; the Yugoslavian War.  While on the surface one may not notice the scars of the past, but once you look behind the tourist traps and dive into the annals of Dubrovnik -it’s people- and hear their stories, you gain such a sense of humility and appreciation for this courageous city and it’s resilient citizens.
               While exploring of one Dubrovnik’s parks, I came across a seemingly homeless man sitting by the water.  I struck up casual conversation with him, and some five hours and few sandwiches later, I had learned more about the War and the people who’ve been effected by it than I ever could have sitting in a classroom.  He was one of the most insightful and compassionate people I have met in my two months of being here.  Maybe it was the profound concept of treating him like a human being and listening to what he had to say, or maybe it was just in his nature, but he opened up to me like I’ve never seen a stranger do.  My new friend (who wished to remain nameless) let me write down a few of his stories from fighting in the War and his thoughts of the conflict in general.  I want to share them with you.
    **the following is a rough transcript of what he said, however I did my best to translate his broken English.  I express no personal opinion or bias on the matter.  The italicized and quoted paragraphs are him**
               “I was born in Mostar in 1965. I lived in Mostar and went to school while living with my father up until the start of the War (He is ethnically a Croat who grew up and lived in Bosnia).  Before the war things were very tense. 4 months before that day they were stockpiling weapons and preparing for war.  It was said that the Yugoslavs from Serbia was planning their aggression.  From September-October 1991 there were preparing for war, running drills.  2-3 thousand people in their unit or “quarts”. I was in Mostar from July 1992 and it was peace.  All around Mostar there was war.  From July- April 93 the war in Mostar began between Muslims and Croats.  I was there. I did not want to fight.  I have solution to end this (he spoke of a peace agreement that he created and brought to the government, but he said he was dismissed because of his low rank in the military).  4th April there was an explosion were my house.  There were Yugoslav bases 300 -400 meters from my house.  There was a wall around this area.  The main street in Mostar was 4 meters from the wall.  There was a truck with oil that exploded and made a whole in the wall 50 meters. my house was 300 metes away but the windows blew open.  This explosion ignited the war.  It was early morning and I was asleep.  This happened on the 4th of April.  6th of April war started.  My injury happened the 26th.  On the sixth day (April 6th) it looked like fireworks were going off. Red and green lights created by bomb.  Everyone was shooting.  Shooting was happening at night.  It was wonderful (visually beautiful) to see but still scary.  I couldn’t believe this was happening in Mostar, my hometown.  The Yugoslav army came from the east side.  My unit was 30-40 men.  Our commander told us to retreat to the west side over the river.  I lived in the east, now the muslim side.  I had to cross the Mostar Bridge.  Croatian army have metal explosive devices against tanks under the bridges with barbed wire fences under the bridge, so if anyone came it would explode.  We were on the west side of the bridge shooting towards the east, my home.  I was behind a wall trying to get into a garden wall to get more protections.  While we were doing this, I was shot in the hand and arm.  I lost most of my finger and much movement in my left hand.  It was that moment that the war ended for me.” 
            After he was injured he was flown to Zagreb, The Capitol of Croatia for treatment.  He didn’t speak much more on the subject than that.  I then asked him if there were ethnic tensions prior to the conflict under a united Yugoslavia
                “Before the war, the ethnic groups were held down by the communist government.  They were untied under one communist flag.  It wasn’t important during then.  For me it didn’t matter, but most other people had a dormant national spirit that was held down by Tito (Josip Broz Tito, the former President of Yugoslavia).  It didn’t matter where you were from to me, but there were many people who it did matter. (All percentages are his estimates) About 30 percent were hard nationalists behind close doors.  About 30-40 percent were ambivalent about it, but when fight came they stuck with their side.  They were good people, good neighbors, they weren’t nationalists but the war gave them gave them no choice.  20 percent believed in the Yugoslavian vision saying that a united Yugoslavia was better than separate republics.  There aren’t too many people who believe this now, but there are some people who still believed that the former Yugoslavia was a better way of life.  The problem is that the different groups cannot come together and make agreement.  The people in the middle like a peaceful life and don’t care about the politics. It doesn’t matter what flag they live under.  But what can they do, they have no choice.  I myself have no choice.  I have different opinion (on nationalistic pride and the necessity of war).  In 1991, I was in the position of 5 percent of people.  I don’t believe that Yugoslavia is necessary better, but I know that war was not good.  The tensions are bad that maybe Yugoslavia could be better, but I don’t know.  There are good things now, more freedom.  (Josip) Tito was against the West, against travel. He want to have small (closed) borders, can’t read what you want.  Yugoslavia was joke, all communist government get their views from Engels and Marx.  They said they were for the working class people.  They say that workers and rights, and capitalism give the everyday person no right.  The joke here was the Tito was the leader of the Communist party and put themselves above everyone else.  People could only eat and work.  But yet President Tito was very rich.  He had many villas in every city.  He had many planes, ships, cars, but everyone else was poor “.
        I was truly amazed by his pragmatic approach and foresight.  For such an unassuming man, he was very wise.  His position I believe is similar to many people’s at the time.  Most people did not want the war and didn’t have a hatred for opposing ethnic groups, but they were given no choice.  I could see the sadness in his eyes.  I then asked him about his thoughts on the political future of this region.
          “I think that there will be no more war between the areas.  At least not in my lifetime.  However, a political concern of mine is how can we come to a full resolution.  Living in Bosnia now is a hard thing (he splits his time in Bosnia and Croatia). Croatia is ok to live in because there is more choice, they are a part of the European Union.  There is more tourism. Croatia goes to better times if the EU goes to better times.  Croatia by itself can not grow, it needs the help from others.  Throughout history Croatian have more connection to other parts of the world.  More Croats go to other countries and they are happy to have other people come here.  If Croatia lives alone with closed border, it will fall, there will be political problems.  Here they have too much political partisan and division.  Living in Bosnia is difficult because there is not much infrastructure and lots of corruption.  There is less tourism so less money comes in.  But the people are strong and I believe they will live good lives.”
           After that, I bought us a couple of sandwiches and we talked about some less serious issues: his love of country music and western films, family, friends, and life experience.  We had one final handshake and then we went our separate ways.  I left that conversation with an extreme sense of humility and gratitude.  There I was, a 20-year-old study abroad student from America who is spending a semester doing what many people can only dream of, typing on my Macbook Air, and leaving to go back to my apartment overlooking the city.  And there he was, a middle age man who grew up in a war torn-country, has no real home and very few, if any people who will give him the time of day.  Yet despite all this (not to mention the language barrier) we were able to find a connection and share in the human experience.
          Study Abroad is the time to be selfish.  Get out and see the world, party on a Tuesday night, or eat pizza everyday if you want.  However, amidst all of this, don’t forget to take some time and just listen.

3 thoughts on “Just Listen.

  1. This so much reminds me of David Riesman’s advice to student to “Just go out and look!” What a great piece of writing and even greater piece of advice you have offered up here.


  2. Oh, Dear Nephew, what a wonderfully written and expressed entry. Initially, when your Uncle Allen told me that your latest entry had arrived, fear rushed through me when he mentioned that you had mentioned the war. You know me, Dear Nephew, always over-protective! As usual, Uncle Allen told me to read your entry before getting nervous. As expected, you showed how astute you are, citing that you had no personal opinion or bias. Your disclaimer was just what the doctor ordered for your fearful Aunt Charlie! You continue to demonstrate your growing…your maturity. Your stopping to listen to the homeless man is no surprise. You have always reached out…listening with your heart. Your payoff, though not intended, has always been that you became an even richer person. Your Uncle Allen and I join your parents, sister. grandfathers and other relatives as we enjoy and lovingly embrace the person you continue to become. We love you, Dear Nephew! Uncle Allen and Aunt Charlie


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